Trying Not to Break at Work

The Lush 4 arrived in the mail as a joke about long distance. Then he dared her to wear it through an entire work shift.

Long distance is rough, and after months of staring at each other through phone screens, my boyfriend surprised me in the mail with a Lovense Lush. He joked that since he couldn't physically pull me close, he wanted to at least find a way to mess with me from across state lines.

The idea to use it during my shift started as a spontaneous dare. I was sitting at my desk dealing with a stack of dull paperwork when my phone buzzed: "How busy are you right now?" I laughed, took a quick bathroom break to put it in, handed over control through the app, and walked back out pretending everything was totally normal. It immediately turned into the most nerve-wracking game of poker face I've ever played.

Every time my phone screen lit up, my stomach dropped in the best way. He started slow, just little ambient pulses while I answered emails, but the real test came around 2:00 PM. A coworker walked over to ask about a routine spreadsheet. Right as I started explaining the numbers, my boyfriend fired up a rolling wave pattern out of nowhere. I literally had to grab the edge of my desk, clear my throat, and stare hard at my monitor trying not to lose my composure. Giving serious professional answers while trying not to squirm or gasp out loud was peak chaotic adrenaline.

The second my coworker walked away, I fired off a string of laughing, half-threatening emojis telling him to ease up before he got me fired. Even though he was hundreds of miles away, sharing that goofy, breathless secret made him feel like he was right there in the room with me. When my shift finally ended, calling him on the drive home to dissect every close call felt so much warmer than our usual routine check-ins.

A few real takeaways if you try this: Background noise matters: test the vibration hum against your actual room environment first; if your office is dead silent, stick to lower pulse settings.

Agree on an emergency stop: have a quick, one-letter text or an agreement to disconnect immediately in case an impromptu meeting gets called.

Charge it beforehand: make sure it has a full charge so the connection doesn't drop out mid-shift.